At the very early first, I was an atheist, now I’m a buddhist, you may ask me why, actually they are not confict with each other. People often say that buddha bless me please, will buddha really appear and help us? I don’t know, but I prefer to believe that actually buddha is always live in our deep heart, however, most of the time, we can’t find him and it’s difficult for us to hear from him, because of too many noise around us.
Every time when I got scared, I will drive my car to go to a very silent temple just about 30 kilometer from my home, I like to sit in a corner and listen to the monks chanting, then my heart will calm down and I can hear my heart voice, what a deliverance not to have to think anymore! So, as my understanding, the real buddha is not the god, buddha is the Wisdom in Essence.
The other thing that I was always question before I converted, the existance of Karma, is it true?
I knew there are many scientific discussions and instances, but no one can jump to conclusions. Until my friend tell me a Zen story, I trust it.
An old zen master ask his little disciple to find a stuff in a very dark room, the little monk went into the dark room without any lightings, and he was found nothing, then he told zen master, “No one is there!”, Zen master asked “Really?” and burning a candle went into the dark room, under the lights, he find that stuff, asked the little monk, “It’s always there, only you can’t see it.”
Is it not so? We are always think that the things are nonexistent, just because we can not see them. How be opinionated! The human should hold the unknown nature in awe and keep to learning.
For these perceptions and cognitions, I decided to convert to buddhism, ‘cause I know I have to face to face with my heart even if the process is very painful, this is practice, and life is a kind of practice, I know I have long way to go.